Greek Wedding Favors - Is it ok for a bride to ask for money instead of gifts at her bridal shower?

Is it ok for a bride to ask for money instead of gifts at her bridal shower?

Ok.. I am invited to a bridal shower this Sunday. I noticed on the invitation it says... "The Bride & Groom are saving up for a house, so in leiu of gifts, cash would be greatly appreciated." Well..I am the type of person that prefers to give a gift because it is more personal and because I don't really know how much money I should "give". I dont' want to look too cheap but yet I don't want to give too much. Also, if I give money I am always thinking that the money will be spent on other things instead of what it was intended for. What do you think?...is it "rude" or "ok" for a bride to ask for money at a bridal shower? I think it is more appropriate for the couple to ask for money as the wedding gift....but a bridal shower gift? The idea of a bridal shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts. Oh..I forgot to mention that I am a bridesmaid in the wedding. But..the maid of honor is giving the shower. She called me last night and asked me if I could donate $40 towards the party.

Public Comments

Your right..it's hard to figure out how much to give and not look cheap..however, now days I think money is the gift of choice...give what you can and don't worry about it..that's all we can do.
Personally, yes I think this situation is fine. I think that when they save that money and buy the house, that is representative of your gift. They will think about it everyday.
i think it is rude - i agree with you at a bridal shower - gifts are the norm or maybe a charitable donation in lieu of gifts but to ask for money - that is just off.
I agree it shouldnt be right to ask for money. If I were you I would buy a gift or a voucher and include in an envalope the receipt so if she is intent on having the cash she can return it. That way you are showing you are thoughtful in the fact you have chosen her a nice gift. Hope that helps!!
Its a tough thing to ask for but with couples living together before getting married, they have most everything they need. As for the amount of cash, just give what you plan on spending for a gift. $50 is more then enough and consider you still have a wedding gift (or cash) to give later. I would do $30 and a nice card.
In my opinion, I would prefer money, rather than 10 crockpots, or 15 blenders. This way, the money still go towards things the couple needs, or even the wedding, and you still get to give something. Since you are already donating $40 to the shower, just give what you can, and don't stress about it. Get her (or make her!) a nice, heartfelt card, to put the $$ in. Grandparents, Parents, etc. always give the big money anyhow =]
the $40 is your gift
It is rude of them, I would just buy them a gift instead of money.
everybody but one person (but they were the best towels i have ever had) gave us money at my bridal shower b/c when they call to ask if they was anything we "needed" we told them that we need money so that we can have food for the reception..........(we got 160$).......but it was worded much nicer than that... congrats to you
no, that is tacky. in all the wedding etiquette books, it says you cannot say anything like that. but since she went ahead and rudely asked for money.. i would probably just give her money. anything from $25 to $50 would be good.
I'd rather know that they prefer money instead a gift they will just chuck out eventually.
That is completely rude and totally unacceptable. Guests are gracious enough to give gifts, not come and bring one cash. I would still get a gift-screw 'em. That is just god awfully in poor taste. As for being asked to chip in the $40-I think you're stuck there. If the party is being hosted by the bridal party then you'll need to chip in. edit* As for people saying that when people live together they already have everything they need-that is a crock of bs. I lived with my husband for three years before we were married. There were tons of things we needed. I wanted matching good quality towels, everyday dinnerware that we picked together, quality sheets, quality appliances (kitchen aid, Cuisinart, etc), china, stemware, silver...the list goes on and on. So unless a couple plans on going into major debt to afford quality items or are completely content with walmart crap (sorry, I'm not), then there are many, many things that they need so asking for cash is never appropriate. To address the "if you give cash they'll remember it and think of you"---No, they won't. We received many cash gifts at our wedding-and I don't remember a thing about them. I can to this day tell you who exactly gave us our crystal stemware, china serving pieces, kitchen aid mixer, and other gifts- they leave a lasting impression and we'll be married ten years.
Not everyone is comfortable giving money so I say if they want money the ones who are comfortable can do it but if your not get her a sweet sentimental gift. That's what I did for my sister-in-law
Well since it was in the shower card I really don't see how it's any ruder than telling where the couple is registered. For some reason it's okay to I want this "blender" but it's not okay to say I would rather have gifts I can combine to have something substantial. A lot of people on here always say they would rather give a gift because it's "personal" but I don't understand why someone would want to give a couple something they don't want. You may feel that picture frame is a more meaningful gift but why not give them the cash they can use as opposed to something that will probably end up in the back of a closet. When you give a gift whether it be cash or anything else you do not get the right to dicate what it is intended for. So if they say they will put it towards the house but really use it to have a nice dinner on there honeymoon there is nothing you can do but feel good that you gave something the new couple will appreciate. If you are in the wedding party and paying for your own expenses and helping with the shower you are in no way expected to purchase an additional gift.
IMO, if you don't need things to set up housekeeping--like towels, dishes, etc, you don't have a shower. That's what a shower is for. I find her request crass and rude, to be honest. On to the other part....the $40. You are a BM, and where I come from, even though the MOH coordinates the shower, the bridal party chips in for it. I think of that as part of the duties of being in the bridal party. I don't see anything wrong in that.
I think it is rude for someone to ask for money instead of a gift. You are right, the shower is for "gifts" and is intended to shower the bride with gifts...no money. If she already has everything, why have the shower? And I searched wedding etiquette online and it is the host's responsibility to pay for the party and food. If she volunteers...than she is responsible. The host is usually a friend of the bride. Therefore, the family such as mother, sister, or aunt should not host the shower because it looks like they are asking for gifts or money. http://www.foreverwed.com/Bridal_Parties/responsible.htm If the bride doesn't want any gifts then why go through all of the trouble and expense to throw her a party? She might as well ask people to mail her cards with money! *sarcasm..lol*
Well, it's wrong. No body is responsible to contribute towards their housing situation. This is iin horrible taste. You are a BM, so I guess you are stuck with such tacky request. If I was you., I would give the $40 for the party and let it be IT. Good luck
I think it is rude to ask for money for anything! Like you, I prefer to give a gift - especially for the shower. So if they don't need 'stuff' then there really shouldn't be a shower for this couple. To me, this comes across as rude, inappropriate, and makes them look like a pair of money-grubbers who are probably counting on the cash to help pay for their wedding.
It is rude! Sooo horribly tacky. "Give us money"...omg If they want a house they should pay for it themselves. but thats their problem to deal with. Everyone will talk about how rude and tacky they are. You on the other hand should just do what they want and give them cash. As for your MOH if you dont want to contribute cash you can always contribute your time and other ways to help out for the party(ie cooking, cleaning up afterwards, decorating...etc.)
Sorry, asking for anything, especially money is in bad taste!!! My uncle had a baby with a woman when he lived in Las Vegas. When his son got engaged, someone on the bride's side decided that they should be given cash for their honeymoon as a gift. I thought it was a VERY silly request considering they live right off of the Vegas strip! Most ppl go there for their wedding/ honeymoon! Plus, the whole point of a gift is to set the new couple up with stuff for their house. If they didn't need/ want anything there would have been no need for guests to bring anything. A guest is invited to be part of the celebration, not in exchange for a gift and should NEVER be made to feel like they are expected to hand over anything!
that's insanely rude. there's a lot of couples buying a house when they get married, so they can put their wedding gift money towards that. the shower is to "shower the bride" as you said with gifts. that's very very rude i think. i'd feel like they were greedy and probably wouldn't want to go. i feel exactly as you described with gift giving. your a bm so your stuck... but you should consider your chipping in for the shower part your gift and get her a small actual gift to give her. something cute and personal. she should, i hope (although i don't know with some of the brides i see today) appreciate it and be gratious for what you've done.
VERY rude!! Get them what you feel comfortable giving them.
It is rude. A shower is supposed to help you set up your home, not buy your home! You are probably stuck giving the $40 since you are in the bridal party. If you want to give something extra, a small, more personal gift should be fine.
NO NO NO NO NO! I am HORRIFIED! The entire point of a bridal shower is that the bride is "showered" with GIFTS not money. I would get them a gift anyway. Online registries are huge these days and they offer a chance for the bride and groom to choose the gifts they want so they don't end up with 10 crockpots or 47 toasters. As far as the money for the party, I don't know. The maid of honor is hosting but the bridesmaids are a part of it all too... I'd say that's up to you!
I personally would never ask for cash straight out like that, but I think Cass has a good point. If it ok to say where you're registered, then why isn't it ok to ask for money. It's almost the same thing. Even if the couple put where they were registered instead of asking for money, they would still know how much you spent on the gift by looking at the registry. You may want to give a gift because "it is more personal", but is it really that personal if the gift you give them ends up in the bottom of their closet (or the garbage can) because they didn't want it or need it?